**Written Wednesday January 20, 2010
The last few days have gone by in a slow continual pace that is aggravating. I have been waiting on this moment for over a year and now that it is almost here I just want to speed up time to give my mind some peace. I haven’t been sleeping much at all but then there are some days I cannot even seem to make myself wake up. It is so hard to wake up but even harder to go back to bed; my body is constantly fighting with what it needs to do. I have had insomnia before and I eventually got myself into a good sleeping pattern, all of a sudden I have seemed to have lost it. I am hoping that once Ty and I are fully moved in falling asleep in his arms will calm me down enough to relax and dream some beautiful dreams.
I find immense comfort in his big strong arms; they make me feel safe and loved. Like I am hidden away from all the evils of the world and can allow myself to be vulnerable…the kisses on the back of the neck he gives me seem to be the touch I have longed for in all my years. It is such a delicate and romantic touch that I feel he does out of the love he has for me. One time when we were falling asleep I asked him to tell me something wonderful to help me sleep, he told me he loved the way I reacted to his neck kisses because he could tell how loved they made me feel but also how much I loved him.
We sleep twisted around each other, touching in as many places as we can, it is something natural we have done since the first night we have been together. Its hard to describe how wonderful it feels to want another individual that close to you, breathing in the same dreams you breathe out and placing a small kiss on your face whenever they wake up in the middle of the night. I am so comforted by this ritual of going to bed that I will immediately find myself falling down the rabbit hole.
However in the last five months we have been living separately through our issues and break up and we have only had a handful of nights spent in each other’s arms. I believe it will be second nature again to just fall right back into sleep with him…I am hoping. Also I believe this stress will erase itself and we will both be able to distress. You have no idea how much I long for this right now…
"I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms"
- Snow Patrol "Set the fire to the third bar"
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